Not Love At All
by Insidiae
Summary: [This won't last forever.] Because as soon as one of them fell in love, the whole thing would shatter. KuroxFai, oneshot.


Okay, so this is my first go at the Tsubasa fandom, and will probably be the last for a while. I still have a mess of Narutofic to write, and my winning of all three KH games recently has inspired some work in that fandom as well. However, those are a different story, and let's concentrate on here and now, yes?

Anyway. This story was written for the amazing alliterationhor on livejournal. If you're a KuroFai fan, and you haven't read her stuff, your completely out of your mind since she is amazing. I don't think my writing even compares, but I was still compelled to make this for her.

Other than that, enjoy!

* * *

It's what they say each time, to reassure themselves. 

"This won't last forever."

"I know."

Harsh panting. Skin against skin.

"As soon as we land in Japan, it's done. I'm done."

"I know."

Breathy gasps. Sloppy kisses.

"It's because I don't love you."

"I know." A pause. Hooded blue eyes open to slits and pale, gangly arms wrap around a muscled, tan neck. "I don't love you either. I don't want something permanent. But for now I want you, and you want me, so what does it matter?"

They say it because they are afraid of change. Neither of them can want this to last. Neither of them can fall in love.

As soon as one of them does, it's all over.

* * *

The reassurance wanes. 

"This won't last forever."

"I know."

Arching backs. Muffled cries, because the children are in the room right next door, sleeping peacefully with the manjuu.

"As soon as we land in Japan, it's done. I'm done."

"I know."

Misplaced wants. The wizard isn't a princess. The ninja isn't a king.

"It's because I don't love you."

"I know." A pause, longer this time than before. "I don't love you either. But for now I want you, and you want me, so what does it matter?"

It is the first time the dialogue changed. The magician never again mentions the desire for something temporary, and the warrior never questions it.

They are both too scared of what it might mean.

* * *

They are both changing.

"This won't last forever."

"I know."

Fingers scraping. Sweat dripping.

"It's because I don't love you."

"I…_I know_."

A mistake. A mistake?

"I don't love you either." Ocean eyes struggle between the fight to stay wide open in shock, or closed shut in pleasure. "But for now, I want you, and you want me, so what does it matter?"

Their eyes meet. The wizard tries to communicate through them that the ninja left out a very important part, the part about going home, before laughing. Red eyes scowl, but the blonde pays it no mind. It doesn't matter, the magician thinks, because it had to be a mistake.

Because the ninja could not possibly want this to last.

Because if he did, it would have to end.

* * *

It shouldn't be so surprising, the wizard thinks. 

"This won't last forever."

"I know."

Hands tugging on hair. Hips jerking.

"It's because I don't love you."

The blond head stops midway down Kurogane's stomach. "…I know." Blue eyes concentrate on the scars in front of them, refusing to meet Kurogane's stare. "But for now, I want you, and you want me, so what does it matter?"

Kurogane narrows his eyes. The magician doesn't see, as the descent continues down Kurogane's body, past stomach, past navel, finally stopping in front of the intended target, and engulfing it.

Kurogane lets out a sound somewhere between a growl and a groan and grasps at blond hair. He knew the wizard was just trying to distract him, but Kurogane could deal with his issues after.

* * *

It shouldn't be so clear, the ninja thinks. 

"This won't last forever."

"I know."

There is silence and stillness. Fai is waiting for the next part, the reason why.

The words never come.

"But for now, I want you, and you want me," Fai continues, because he doesn't know what else to do, and he is confused and he is scared, and he needs something he knows. "So what does it matter?"

The only response Fai gets is the ninja's body pressed hard against his own and calloused hands rubbing soothing circles on his hips.

Fai wraps his arms around broad shoulders, clutching desperately, as though trying to find something stable.

Trying to regain his balance, now that the warrior has shattered his carefully built mindset.

* * *

It's what they say each time, to reassure themselves. 

"How long do you think this will last?"

"What?"

Sliding tongues. Prodding fingers.

"I said, how long do you think this will last?"

"Why are you asking this now?"

Glazed sights. Red cheeks.

"Because things have changed from when we began."

"What are you talking about, Kuro-tan?"

Bruised lips. Bruised hips.

"I'm talking about how we're in love."

"…Kuro-wanko's been spending too much time with me. Kuro-sama is starting to lose his common sense!"

Wet skin. Wet eyes.

"Shut up! Just stop it, for _once_! Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I _like_ admitting that? But it's the truth Fai, and it needs to be said! If we keep running from it…."

"…We'll end up going in circles."

Aching bodies. Aching hearts.

"So the question now is: what do we do?"

"We could go on pretending."

The standard frown from the first, the standard fake smile from the second.

"That won't last forever."

"I know."

Quivering muscles. Quivering lips.

"When I go back to Japan, it'll be done. I won't be able to find anyone else, Fai."

"I know."

The frown settles out into neutral. The grin seems a bit more genuine.

"It's because I love you."

"I know." A pause, and a laugh. "I love you too, Kurogane. We're worrying about the future. But for now, I love you, and you love me, so what does it matter?"

That night, they found other ways to reassure themselves than with just words.

* * *

...Yep. That's it. Different than my usual style, but I like it more than I thought I would. 

Please review!

-Insidiae-


End file.
